How to Protect Yourself from Gaslighting

How to Protect Yourself from Gaslighting

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Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where the abuser tries to sow seeds of doubt, making their victim question their own memory, perception, or judgment. The term originates from the 1944 film Gaslight, where a husband manipulates small elements of their home environment (including turning down the gaslights) and insists his wife is mistaken or remembering things incorrectly, causing her to question her sanity.
I Want My Partner to Change. Do You?

I Want My Partner to Change. Do You?

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One of the most frequent issues that brings people to couples therapy is, ironically, something that therapy can’t resolve. It’s the wish for their partner to change or to be different than they are. Let’s be honest; most of us in relationships wish our partner would change in some way. Even if you are not currently in a romantic partnership, you may relate to wanting a past partner to improve themselves for you.
Using The 5 Senses Grounding Exercise To Calm Down Quickly

Using the 5 Senses Grounding Exercise to Calm Down Quickly

Whether you’re feeling overwhelmed or just need a moment of peace, this exercise can help you find your center. Grounding exercises are powerful tools for managing anxiety and stress because they help anchor you in the present moment. When anxiety strikes, it often pulls you into a spiral of racing thoughts, worries, or fears about the future. This mental state can feel overwhelming and disorienting, making it difficult to focus, find calm or even orient to your surroundings.
How to Stop Ruminating and Fall Asleep: 2 Mindful Tools to Usher in Relaxation and Sleep

How to Stop Ruminating and Fall Asleep: 2 Mindful Tools to Usher in Relaxation and Sleep

How did you sleep last night? If you’re one of the lucky ones who hit the pillow and slept through the night, you know how great it feels to awake, rested and energized, ready to tackle your day. But data shows that almost 15% of U.S. adults have trouble falling asleep and 19% of the U.S. population had trouble maintaining sleep, both indicators of insomnia. Rumination may play an important role in insomnia. A Journal of Clinical Sleep Medicine article reports that sleep difficulties and rumination often go hand in hand.
How To Immediately Stop a Conflict From Turning Into a Full-Blown Fight

How To Immediately Stop a Conflict From Turning Into a Full-Blown Fight

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A conflict is starting to simmer between you and your partner. Your voice takes on a sharper edge, each word tinged with irritation. You’re not loving that tone your partner is using either. The tension is becoming a palpable force in the room. You make a point which you feel should put an end to this back and forth, but it doesn’t land the way you had hoped, and now your partner is now staring at you with crossed arms.
Top 10 EMDR Questions (and Answers)

Top 10 EMDR Questions (and Answers)

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If you follow the latest therapy trends, you’ve probably heard about EMDR. This is a relatively new type of therapy, first developed in 1987 after its founder, Francine Shapiro, went on a life-changing walk in the park (more on her story here). It wasn’t until 2007 that Shapiro really solidified the theory behind her discovery. Now there are a number of versions of EMDR, each building upon the original practice. That being said, some aspects of the process may not be so new. People are beginning to talk about the relationships between EMDR and indigenous practices.
Spiritually Informed Psychotherapy

What is Spiritually-Informed Psychotherapy?

Quite simply, spiritually-informed psychotherapy means that the therapist pays attention not only to the physical, mental, and emotional well-being of the client, but to their spiritual wellbeing as well. Many spiritually-informed therapists believe a holistic view of the client includes mind, body, and spirit. Like many therapists, those who are spiritually-informed follow the lead of the client. An ethical spiritually-informed therapist will never push a client to talk about religion. You may not even notice much difference between them and any other therapist, as all licensed therapists have certain standard training.
How To Use Expressive Writing To Heal From Trauma

How to Use Expressive Writing to Heal from Trauma

Have you ever felt relief after writing about something troubling? Personally, the experience of getting my thoughts and opinions sorted out and onto the page usually feels cathartic. It turns out there’s a scientific reason behind this catharsis. Dr. James Pennebaker, a pioneer in the field of psychology, has significantly contributed to our understanding of the therapeutic benefits of expressive writing.
Avoid These 2 Defensive Behaviors and Powerfully Transform Your Relationships

Avoid These 2 Defensive Behaviors and Powerfully Transform Your Relationships

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By Tara Rullo, LCSW

Defensiveness is lethal to relationships.

As a relationship therapist, I am trained to be on the lookout for defensive reactions when I’m working with couples. Longitudinal studies by Dr. John Gottman have shown that defensiveness is one of the predictors of divorce.
Leave Defensive Reactions Behind and Learn Solutions to the 2 Most Common Barriers to Constructive Conflict

Leave Defensive Reactions Behind and Learn Solutions to the 2 Most Common Barriers to Constructive Conflict

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By Tara Rullo, LCSW

What is the defensiveness trap?

Defensiveness escalates conflict, but many people still get trapped in a pattern of reacting defensively in conflict. This is what I call the defensiveness trap. Longitudinal research conducted by the founder of Gottman Couples Therapy, Dr. John Gottman, shows that over time, defensiveness kills relationships.