By Tara Rullo, LCSW
Helping a Teen Who Doesn’t Want Therapy: How to Know When to Push (and When Not To)
Guidance from a Teen Therapy Brooklyn Heights Practice
One of the hardest parts of parenting a teenager is watching them struggle and not knowing how much to intervene. For many of the parents we see in our Brooklyn Heights based practice, one question commonly arises:
What if my teen doesn’t want to go to therapy? Should I push them, or should I wait?
There isn’t one right answer, but there are guiding principles that can help you decide when to encourage teen therapy — and when to trust that your child may be getting what they need elsewhere.
Understanding Why Teens Resist Teen Therapy
At our Brooklyn Heights teen counseling practice, we often see resistance as a desire for autonomy. Teens often resist therapy not because they’re opposed to help, but because they’re trying to maintain control during a stage of life when so much feels out of their hands.
They may feel embarrassed, worried about being judged, or afraid therapy will label them as “different.” According to the American Psychological Association, teens report that managing emotions, identity, and academic stress are among the top reasons they experience mental health challenges — yet many hesitate to seek professional help.
Psychologist Jonathan Haidt notes in The Anxious Generation that the rates of depression and anxiety among adolescents have more than doubled since 2010 — with anxiety increasing by 134% and depression by 106% in less than a decade. These numbers reflect what many parents have been noticing firsthand: that today’s teens are growing up in a world that feels more pressured, more connected, and yet often more isolating than ever before.
Sometimes, saying no to therapy is their way of saying, “I want to be seen as capable of handling my own life.”
A Personal Story: When My Son Said No to Therapy
When I went through my divorce, my son made it very clear that he didn’t want to go to therapy. He told me, “I’m already different enough now that you and dad are divorced.”
He was navigating the big emotional shift of going between two homes, explaining the situation to his friends, and adjusting to a new rhythm during his first year of Middle School. I could see he was coping in his own way — staying engaged with school, sports, and friends — showing that not all teens need formal therapy immediately.
He even began forming friendships with other kids whose parents were divorced, and I’d hear them talking about what it was like to go back and forth between homes. At that time, I trusted that he was processing things in a developmentally appropriate way. Therapy might have been helpful, but I didn’t want to send him the message that something was “wrong” with him for adapting to change in his own way.
When Things Changed
A few years later, during the COVID lockdown, I began to notice other changes. The same son who had once been so engaged started withdrawing — less interest in school, more time alone, and a general flatness that felt unfamiliar.
That’s when I decided to encourage therapy again. Specialized teen therapy helped him for a time — it offered perspective, structure, and someone to connect with outside the family.
Eventually, we made other changes too: we moved him to a different school where he found renewed energy and purpose. At that point, it felt right to end therapy. It had served its role as one of several supports, not the solution but part of it.
Knowing When to Encourage Teen Therapy
If your teen is showing signs of distress — isolation, irritability, withdrawal from activities, loss of motivation, or sudden drops in grades — it’s worth exploring adolescent therapy in Brooklyn Heights even if they resist. Research from the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) shows that early intervention can significantly reduce the severity and duration of mental health symptoms in adolescents.
Working with a Brooklyn Heights teen therapist can provide early support before symptoms escalate.
Ask yourself:
- Are they functioning in daily life — going to school, maintaining friendships, showing interest in activities?
- Do they have at least one safe outlet to talk about what’s happening?
- Are you, as the parent, able to stay connected and supportive without constant conflict?
If the answer is mostly “yes,” it may be okay to wait, watch, and support from the sidelines.
If the answer is “no,” then a therapist’s guidance can be invaluable.
Consulting a Therapist — Even If Your Teen Isn’t Ready
You don’t have to make the decision alone. Sometimes the best first step is for you to consult with a teen therapist, even if your teen isn’t ready to participate yet. A parent consultation can help you get perspective on what’s happening, learn how to support your child at home, and decide whether therapy is the right next step.
Here are some times when it’s worth reaching out for professional guidance:
- Your teen’s mood or behavior has changed dramatically — they’re more withdrawn, irritable, or unmotivated than usual.
- They’re expressing hopelessness or anxiety that feels beyond what you can manage at home.
- You’re seeing signs of social withdrawal or isolation — avoiding friends, family, or previously enjoyed activities.
- School performance or attendance has dropped, or teachers are expressing concern.
- There’s been a major life change — divorce, loss, relocation, or trauma — and your teen seems to be struggling to adjust.
- Conflict at home feels constant or unproductive, and you want tools to communicate more effectively.
- You feel stuck as a parent — unsure what to say, how to set boundaries, or when to push versus step back.
Even if your teen doesn’t start therapy right away, your consultation can help you gain clarity, find language that invites cooperation, and create a home environment that supports emotional healing with guidance from a teen therapist.
The Bottom Line
Therapy is one of many ways to help our children — not the only one, but often an important one. There are moments to honor your teen’s autonomy, and moments to gently but firmly step in.
As parents, our role isn’t to force readiness but to create the conditions where it can grow — with empathy, patience, and a willingness to ask for help ourselves.
If you’re unsure what step to take, consider reaching out to speak with a teen therapist at Middle Way Psychotherapy. Together, we can explore whether therapy might be the right fit for your teen at this time.
