Top 10 EMDR Questions (and Answers)

By Nino Winterbottom

If you follow the latest therapy trends, you’ve probably heard about EMDR. This is a relatively new type of therapy, first developed in 1987 after its founder, Francine Shapiro, went on a life-changing walk in the park (more on her story here). It wasn’t until 2007 that Shapiro really solidified the theory behind her discovery. Now there are a number of versions of EMDR, each building upon the original practice. That being said, some aspects of the process may not be so new. People are beginning to talk about the relationships between EMDR and indigenous practices.

EMDR is quite different from the more common Western psychotherapies. Talk therapy often focuses on thinking out loud through our past to understand our present. CBT offers insight into the motivation for what we do and how to feel differently by acting differently. EMDR is more about the direct, embodied experience of our past and current reality. Does that sound scary? You’re not alone!

The thing is, we’re often already replaying and reliving the trauma in our everyday lives, in ways big and small. One of the beautiful things about EMDR is that it allows us distance from and control over the process of reliving. We transform the lesson from one of helplessness to one of empowerment. EMDR is a rigorously refined, tested method that from its inception was designed to be safe.

If you’re like me, you’re probably not completely convinced. The what-ifs are churning. While each person’s experience is different, I present to you the most commonly asked questions and some possible answers. Note that these are about the reprocessing phase, which should come after a thorough preparation phase. Ask your therapist about discerning readiness and appropriate resourcing.

1. How am I going to feel after?

Most people fall in the middle of the two extremes – feeling very drained, fatigued, and raw afterwards, and feeling pretty normal. You may notice differences in dreams, behaviors, reactivity, or experiences of memories. You may feel a sense of relief or lightness. I believe everyone should have a practice at the end of the session that allows for some closing or containing of the experience.

2. Am I doing this right?

This is absolutely the most common reaction to starting EMDR. It is unlike most other experiences you will have as a human being, which is beautiful and daunting. If there is one truth in EMDR, it’s that THERE IS NO WRONG WAY TO DO IT. All your experiences and sensations are information, including frustrating ones. The “right way” to approach EMDR is with curiosity.

3. What is happening right now?

Exactly! This is THE EMDR question. Basically, during EMDR, your system is going where it needs to go. Some clients land on memories they didn’t think mattered at all. Some notice brand new aspects of a well-worn memory. Whether you end up somewhere expected or not, the actual feeling of EMDR is unique because you’re both in the memory and in the present. So “what’s happening” is that you’re in two places at once.

4. Why am I experiencing resistance?

We trust the system to move towards healing if given the right conditions. That is, if you feel safe in the relationship with your practitioner and with your inner resources. So, if you have trouble getting into a memory or following your practitioner’s lead, that’s because your system knows that it cannot go there. That’s actually a really good thing. Your body is keeping you safe. Whether you chose to continue or not is a decision made between you and your therapist.

5. How is this possible?

Well, research has not yet shown exactly how EMDR works and why. These FAQs from the EMDR website provide more detail. Observing sensations, images, and beliefs during the process may help the memories become reintegrated by adding context. Rapid eye movement might help orient us in space and time as we revisit traumatic memories, providing grounding. Eye movement also might prompt our brains to start reintegrating memories like REM sleep does. It may also reduce vividness.

6. Am I done processing?

We have standard guidelines as practitioners for assessing when a memory has been fully reprocessed based on data we collect throughout the session(s). That being said, there are always more memories we could potentially reprocess. It’s important to carefully consider what you want to achieve before beginning EMDR and discuss it with the therapist, knowing that you can also change or expand your goals as you work.

7. Can I really have prebirth/intergenerational memories?

In my opinion, you absolutely can! Not all practitioners are familiar with or aligned with the concept of prebirth or intergenerational memories. That is, the experience of events before your birth, for example in the womb, or things that happened before you were conceived, for example memories of ancestors. I’ve seen incredible revelations happen through these journeys. If you’re not open to the concept, it may not happen, which is totally fine too!

8. Is it okay to stop?

Please, please indicate to your therapist if you need to stop. Your therapist should establish a nonverbal signal ahead of time. Having two-way communication between you and your therapist throughout the process is crucial. Notice signs that you’re moving beyond your window of tolerance and listen to them. You can always re-enter the memory when/if you’re ready.

It’s also always okay to stop doing EMDR altogether. Your system knows what it needs! “Forcing” EMDR on your system won’t work – in my experience, it’s often more ineffective than it is dangerous. We’d both rather do something that actually helps you feel better.

9. Did I really “do” anything?

I believe that immaterial journeys like those we take in EMDR are just as valid as a ten-day trek through the wilderness. You feel tired after an intense therapy session because you are doing work – hard work! Letting your system do the work can feel passive, but it’s really just an efficient way of working. The proof is in the results, and in the learning gleaned during the process.

10. Was that memory “real?”

My EMDR trainer was not an outwardly spiritual person, unlike myself, yet she offered many sage kernels of metaphysical wisdom, and this is one. We are not concerned with what’s real. We’re curious about what is. The incredibly difficult pill to swallow is that we can’t ever know exactly how something happened. We can’t rewind the tape, because our brains aren’t recorders. That doesn’t make what’s contained in our system any less precious.

We honor what lives within us. What we see are true reflections of our life’s story as we know it. And yes, with EMDR they can shift and transform into another truth, whatever we make it. I am resilient. I am brave. I am capable. I deserve love. And that is very real.